all that we had
by EmbraceLove
Summary: Dean knows that his life would be so much better if he could hate Seth, but no matter how hard tries, he can't.


Fuck Seth Rollins. He can go to hell, as far as Dean Ambrose is concerned.

But he can't hate Seth. God knows he's tried. Dean's tried everything humanly possible to get his former teammate out of his head, including falling back into his own habits. It's all Seth's fault, really. At least that's what Dean tells himself. But alcohol no longer provides the mind-numbing effects it once did, and that pisses Dean off even more. Fucking Seth Rollins and his stupid two-toned hair, and his lithe, trim body, rounded out by his firm, tight, round ass that Dean can never get enough of. Even though Dean's memorized Seth's body the way you would memorize the alphabet at this point, he'll never get tired of touching Seth. Dean has done a lot of drugs in his young life, but none of them have provided him with the untouchable high that Seth has.

It makes Dean sick. Not having control of his own mind and feelings literally makes Dean feel sick. He didn't ask for this, and he wishes desperately that someone could take this burden off of his shoulders. He doesn't want it anymore. Just like Seth doesn't want him anymore.

Dean tries not to think about it. He tries to ignore the fact that Seth pretty much said that he wished Dean was dead. It's not even the words that bother Dean, really. Dean's more bothered by the look that Seth's eyes held when he said it, and that cold, low voice. He almost spat the words out. Dean will never forget that.

But for everything Seth's done, for everything he's said, Dean still loves him. If Seth showed up right now and begged Dean to take him back, Dean would, without even questioning it. He hates how his heart doesn't even belong to him. Seth owns every single part of his body, and Dean wishes that he really _would _die. This is fucking torture, and he's not the kind of person to wallow, but fuck, Seth Rollins broke his heart, and it hurts. It fucking hurts, physically.

Dean's nursing his beer, only halfway paying attention to the sound of the football game on the big screen TV in the bar, when Seth walks in. Seth stands in the shadows and just observes Dean for a few seconds. He's actually considering just leaving, because he's got better places to be, but he doesn't. Seth sidles up beside of Dean and sits down on the stool beside of him, his eyes staring straight ahead.

"Drowning your sorrows?"

Dean's jaw twitches, but he doesn't look up.

"Fuck you, Seth."

"Now?" He practically smirks when he says it, and Dean's unsure if he wants to punch Seth in the mouth or drag him off to the men's restroom and fuck him right there up against the wall. God, he hates Seth so much right now. Seth makes him sick. But he always did know how to get a reaction out of Dean, and Dean hates that he's fallen into the trap yet again.

"Did you come all the way here to tell me that?"

Seth shrugs.

"I was bored."

"Does Daddy know that you're out past your curfew?" Dean asks, draining the last of his beer. "Bet he's gonna be real mad at you when he finds out you snuck out of your room." For the first time since Seth's arrived, Dean dares to look at him. "He might even spank you."

Seth rolls his eyes.

"Where's Roman?"

Dean shrugs this time, lazily.

"I don't know. He does his thing and I do mine. We don't keep tabs on each other. I'm not his daddy." Dean adds the last part because he knows it pisses Seth off. And why is he asking about Roman anyway? Dean doesn't buy for a second that Seth showed up here because he was bored. He doesn't know if The Authority sent Seth, or if he came because he knew Dean came here nearly every Wednesday night. But he didn't come because he was bored, Dean knows this. He's not going to push the issue, however.

Dean remembers the days when he, Roman, and Seth did everything together. After Seth left, Dean and Roman kept up the routine for a little while, but eventually, it dissolved just as quickly as their brotherhood had. Dean still talks to Roman, and they both state that they're still brothers, but it's more for show than anything else. The Authority didn't need to know that their self-proclaimed Plan B had actually succeeded in dismantling The Shield. Dean refuses to give them the satisfaction.

Why is Seth still here? He's not going to get any answers from Dean, and he's damn sure not going to goad Dean into a fight. But maybe that's not his intention. Dean doesn't know; he can't read Seth anymore. He doesn't know who Seth is anymore, and that revalation cuts deeper than any knife.

_Just fuckin' go home already._

"Well..." Seth's obviously stalling, and isn't even bothering to hide it. "I'll see ya around sometime, Ambrose." He flashes that million-dollar smile, the smile that he always put on when they had to cut a promo. It's the smile that Dean could always see right through; it's not the genuine smile that Seth would direct at him when the two of them were alone, or when they thought no one else was looking.

Dean remains silent. Seth hangs around for a couple of seconds, seemingly waiting for Dean to say something. When he doesn't, Seth slinks out of the bar as quietly as he came, leaving Dean there with an empty bottle of beer, anger coursing through his veins, and a dull, hollow feeling in his chest.

Fuck Seth Rollins.


End file.
